


Throughout

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: 5 Things, 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 06:22:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/636026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for a prompt on the hobbit kink meme: 5 universes in which Fili and Kili’s reincarnations found each other, and 1 in which they were always together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Throughout

***

It is 1943 when Fili (though that was not his name then; what was it? He can’t remember) sees him. The sight of him takes his breath away, not because he is overjoyed, but because he feels like his heart is going to rip in half.

He is German in this life; the Aryan ideal with his sapphire eyes and hair of gold. He has just been reassigned to Auschwitz and is patrolling the grounds when he happens upon Kili’s face.

He is a Jew.

And he is weak, so weak. Fili can see the life leaving him as he is forced to endure the cold, endure hunger, endure backbreaking work.

When Fili has to shove him in the gas chamber a week later, he is not allowed to cry.

***

The next time is much more bearable.

He feels special when Kili chooses him, though he knows in actuality, there’s no deeper meaning behind his actions.

Still, when Kili picks him up and takes him home, he thinks all his cells are going to lyse, he’s so happy, but it’s physically impossible for him.

Why? Fili is a cactus.

It’s not a terribly exciting life, but he is content with sitting on Kili’s windowsill and watching him, day and night. Kili takes good care of him, smiles when he flowers.

Kili, in this life, prefers men over women, and has a long-term boyfriend. Fili sees a lot of him over the two years he gets to spend with Kili and hates him. He can tell right away he’s a bad sort and Kili spends many nights crying because of him.

When they break up, it’s messy and violent. Fili is a little hurt when Kili throws him at his (ex)lover, but is mostly glad to finally have a chance to sink his needles into his flesh.

He dies an honorable death.

***

Fili gets to be a lot of things throughout all his lives, and he gets to be an artist sometimes.

He hates it.

Of course, his lives as an artist are preferable to those in which he has to kill Kili, but they’re miserable nonetheless. But it’s sort of a universal law that artists suffer, and Fili supposes there’s no reason he should be exempt from it.

He always finds himself sketching the many faces of Kili he’s seen throughout all his time and falls in love with his drawings.

(In fact, he secretly suspects the myth of Pygmalion was based off his previous lives; the Greeks are asses.)

Sometimes they meet, but most times one exists while the other doesn’t, or one of them dies, or Fili just isn’t able to recognize him, or whatever, it’s a big world, and Fili is stuck with a stupid painting.

Fili draws old faces but can’t find a new one, and it drives him insane.

***

Their love is quite often unrequited.

 

Well, _his_ love is quite often unrequited.

Fili remembers when he was a lowly peasant and Kili was the crown prince of whatever kingdom they lived in.

He is but a boy when he sees him, riding atop his white horse with his nose turned up. Fili drops the clay pots he’d been holding and runs to Kili, begging him to look at him, sire, please, just once, because he’s absolutely certain that he would see a glint of recognition in Kili’s eyes if he’d _just look at him_.

As it happens, Kili thinks himself above dirty paupers with their grimy paws and shoves Fili’s chest with his boot. And doesn’t spare Fili a single glance, not even out of his peripherals.

Fili lies in the dirt and tries to understand.

When he drags himself home and is whipped by his father for breaking the pots, he uses the beating as an excuse to let his tears fall.

***

Still, life isn’t all that bad.

Though usually Fili is the one left to wander about in search of Kili and countless times, just barely misses him by a day, by an hour, by a _second_ , a few instances the fates take pity on him and deliver him to Kili.

And sometimes, Kili even returns his love.

Fili is given to Kili as a present when he is six weeks old. He’s a wriggling lump of a golden retriever and they fall in love instantly.

He tries his best to be a good dog, to please his master. He is housebroken in mere days and learns a lot of useless tricks. It makes Kili happy, and so Fili is happy as well.

He wakes Kili in the mornings by slobbering all over his face, waits patiently for him to come home from school, spends afternoons tumbling with the boy, and falls asleep by his feet at night.

 

They’re best friends, Kili and he, and he never once complains.

***

And then there are lives like this.

When Kili is born, Fili bursts out into tears. His parents think he’s upset, doesn’t like the prospect of having to share his parents with this little stranger, but they don’t understand, none of them do.

Kili reaches out toward him, and he cries even harder. He holds his brother in his arms and manages a wobbly smile when Kili gurgles at him.

 

From that moment on, they’re inseparable. Kili’s first word is his name and he goes into hysterics when his brother is not in sight. Fili, in turn, nabs Kili as much as he can from his mother’s arms and carries him everywhere. He protects him so fiercely that for the first few months of Kili’s life, he keeps watch over the crib, barely sleeping a wink for fear that Kili will suffocate on his blanket or just randomly drop dead, because babies do that sometimes. He starts worrying at the age of five and never really stops.

It turns out to be a good thing, as Kili is mischief incarnate. They get into a lot of trouble together and cause mayhem for everyone around them. In time, they learn to tone it down, but always retain their rascally ways.

When Thorin asks them to join him on an adventure, Fili wants nothing more than to whisk Kili away and hide him somewhere safe, forever. He can’t, though, and so he consoles himself with the thought of being able to watch Kili’s back.

In the end, he’s glad they both went, because when he falls, Kili falls next to him. This way, at least, neither will have to live without the other. Lying side by side, they grasp the other’s hand. The brothers look to each other and squeeze. Kili closes his eyes, and Fili does too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And opens them again.

Fili lays his pen down, rubs his face with his hands.

He is a writer, and this story was only ever in his head.


End file.
